Sunday, April 26, 2009

Saying "So long, self"

Not much to say this week. I've been sick today, feeling quite depressed and tired. However my service tonight did me good. Our pastor, Rev. John Merz, spoke of the experience of the holiness of God in our lives as the "I:Thou" moments, a concept he learned from Martin Buber. Buber's idea was that there are two modes of daily living; "I-It" and "I-Thou." "I-It" is the way most of us function day to day, at a semi-unconscious mode of living. The way Merz put it was that in "I-It" most of the outside world is objectified, deadened, except for how it figures into our purposes and goals for the day.
Then there're the "I-Thou" moments where something happens that takes us completely out of our routine, out of our habitual responses, and brings us a connection with someone or something. A piece of music that flutters in from nowhere, a baby that starts laughing and jumping as busy business people walk by around him. Moments where we experience the miracle of creation itself, where we abandon ourselves to it.
Some of the happiest freest moments of my life have been when I no longer worried about myself, when I could step outside myself completely. And these days, I am in the exact opposite position, worried about my job, my finances, my future and this weekend, my health. I pray that this week for a more healthy balance, and more moments outside myself.

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